What Emotional Intelligence Really Is, and Why It Matters Now

By Susie Wagner, EQ Coach

Published on July 5, 2026

We throw the phrase "emotional intelligence" around as if everyone agrees on what it means. Most of the time we use it as a compliment, she is so emotionally intelligent, or as a quiet criticism, he has no emotional intelligence at all. But underneath the buzzword is something specific, well studied, and genuinely learnable. And in a world changing as fast as this one, it may be the most practical skill set you can build.

What it actually is

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions, both your own and other people's, and to use that awareness to guide how you think and act.

The term was introduced by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990, who defined it as the ability to monitor your own and others' feelings, tell them apart, and use that information to guide your thinking and behavior (Salovey and Mayer, 1990). A few years later, the psychologist and journalist Daniel Goleman brought the idea to the wider world with his 1995 book, and made the case that these skills can matter as much as raw intelligence for how a life actually goes (Goleman, 1995).

Here is the part I want you to sit with. Emotional intelligence is not about being nice, being calm all the time, or never getting upset. It is about accuracy and choice. Accurately reading what is happening inside you and around you, and then choosing your response on purpose instead of running on autopilot.

The four domains

The clearest way to understand emotional intelligence is as a simple grid. It has two questions, are we talking about yourself or other people, and are we talking about noticing emotions or doing something with them. That gives you four domains, shown in the infographic below.

Self-Awareness

Noticing what you feel and why, in real time. This is the foundation, because you cannot manage what you cannot see.

Self-Management

Choosing your response instead of reacting. Not suppressing the feeling, but deciding what to do with it.

Social Awareness

Reading other people and the room. Empathy lives here, the ability to sense what someone else is feeling even when they do not say it.

Relationship Management

Handling relationships, conflict, and influence well. This is where the first three show up in how you actually treat people.

Goleman originally described five components, self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills, and later grouped them into these four domains (Goleman, 1995). The deeper academic model, from Mayer and Salovey, frames emotional intelligence as four branches of ability, perceiving, using, understanding, and managing emotions (Mayer and Salovey, 1997). The everyday version and the research version point at the same thing.

Why it matters more now, not less

It would be easy to assume that in a world run by technology, feelings matter less. The evidence points the other way.

It shapes your relationships and your wellbeing

The quality of your life tends to track the quality of your relationships, and relationships are built and broken on emotional skill. The ability to regulate your own reactions and to read the people you love is not soft. It is the difference between a conversation that repairs and one that wounds.

It predicts how well you do at work

This is where I want to be careful and honest, because emotional intelligence is often oversold. You will see eye-catching statistics online, like the claim that ninety percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence. That particular figure comes from a commercial assessment company, TalentSmart, not from peer-reviewed research, so I would not lean on it. The trustworthy version is quieter and still compelling. A large analysis combining many studies found that emotional intelligence is meaningfully related to job performance, and that it matters most in jobs with high emotional demands (Joseph and Newman, 2010). Real effect, not magic.

It is becoming the human advantage

Here is the timely part. As artificial intelligence takes over more technical and routine tasks, the skills that stay distinctly human are rising in value. The World Economic Forum's Future of Jobs Report 2025 lists resilience, flexibility, leadership and social influence, curiosity, and empathy and active listening among the skills growing most in importance for the years ahead (World Economic Forum, 2025). The machines are getting better at the technical work. Our advantage is increasingly emotional.

The honest caveat

Emotional intelligence is real, measurable, and useful. It is also surrounded by hype, inflated statistics, and coaches promising it will fix everything. It will not. It is one important set of skills among several, and the research shows moderate, meaningful effects, not miracles. I would rather you trust it because it is true than because someone sold it to you.

The good news

Unlike the IQ you were more or less born with, emotional intelligence can be developed. A meta-analysis of training programs found that emotional intelligence can be improved with deliberate practice (Mattingly and Kraiger, 2019). It is a skill, which means it responds to attention. You are not stuck with the level you have today.

That is the part that gives me hope, and the reason this is the work I care about most. Understanding your emotions, and learning to work with them instead of against them, is not a personality trait you either have or you do not. It is a practice. And it is one worth starting.

Sources

Named sources above, with links where available. This is a reader-friendly reference list, not an exhaustive bibliography.

Salovey, P., and Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185 to 211. Overview of the model at the Yale and University of New Hampshire research summary, https://scholars.unh.edu/context/personality_lab/article/1007/viewcontent/RevEIWebsite__What_is_EI_2017_07_13_1001.pdf

Mayer, J. D., and Salovey, P. (1997). The four-branch ability model of emotional intelligence. Summary via Harvard Graduate School of Education, Explore SEL, http://exploresel.gse.harvard.edu/frameworks/4/

Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books. Component overview at https://positivepsychology.com/emotional-intelligence-theories/

Joseph, D. L., and Newman, D. A. (2010). Emotional intelligence: An integrative meta-analysis and cascading model. Journal of Applied Psychology, 95(1), 54 to 78, https://workplaceinsight.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/JosephNewman2010.pdf

World Economic Forum (2025). The Future of Jobs Report 2025, Skills Outlook, https://www.weforum.org/publications/the-future-of-jobs-report-2025/in-full/3-skills-outlook/

Mattingly, V., and Kraiger, K. (2019). Can emotional intelligence be trained? A meta-analytical investigation. Human Resource Management Review, https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1053482218301840